Back To Dating, Ugh
Another Relationship Bites The Dust:
I was faced again this week with yet another break up text from my boyfriend of 4 months. This time I will let it go without putting the pieces of our tryst back together. It’s time for this one to stay gone. My days have been mentally littered with sadness and mini pity-parties with visions of me single and living a pathetic, lonely life in my one bedroom apartment with my dog, TV, and recliner.
My ego tells me I am the better than the former 2 of us. I must be re-marketable. Ugh, but that means returning to the dreaded online dating sites with the endless text boxes to fill with information describing all about me, designing my perfect mate, and outlining an ideal first date. I just straight-up don’t want to do it….again.
There must be more to me than just what fits into the profile section of dating sites. In fact, I think I could fill days and weeks and months worth of blogs on the information that is me, or what my life is, dreams, goals, thoughts, even a bucket list, the man of my dreams, my history, my dream dates, my preferences.
Good grief, I think I’m on to something. I could just hyper-link to my blog.
**Exhausted from coming to this realization, she drops dramatically onto the couch next to the dog, grabs the remote and flips to the ongoing “Modern Family” Tuesday night marathon, apparently still clinging to pity mode.
Is Mr. Right Out There?
In the last few years I have considered that my sights were set too high for a divorced, 49 year old working woman with 2 teenagers living at home. I am a cliché and men in my desired range are not seeking out a cliché. The men who seem to be interested in my category are either cubs looking for their cougar, (tempting but not my bigger goal), or men significantly my senior. Hence, the pity party ensues.
The pool of single men interested in me is made smaller by my own list of wants and needs. We’re talking about a handful of men. I have already been single for much longer than desired and I know a few things about myself: I definitely do not like to be alone and I dwell on challenges until they are resolved whether it be a conscious thought or back burner left on 24/7. I also have great faith in my convictions.
Grandma’s Words Of Wisdom…
My grandmother was filled with advice based in her strongly held convictions, some I could embrace and others were way off the grid for my liking. Faced with long-term loneliness, I have decided to seek solace in one of her sayings: “Do not seek out happiness but stay engaged with your passions in life and happiness will be the by-product”. Her words weren’t so concise but her message was loud and clear.
I think I can use this conviction to get me through another time of being single. Maybe I will find growth that will make me a better person and maybe Mr. Right is going through something in life right now that will make me desirable when we meet. I have to hang onto that because those are the words I pass on to people needing something to change in their life.
It sucks but I have to be patient and have faith that if I want it bad enough, it will find its way.